Thirty-Six:

The Cyclops introduced himself as Polyphemus. His was an old story.

"I was once wounded by a lost king who wandered the sea," he said. "My father, who is the Ocean, chased him until the sea nymph Calypso gave him shelter on her island. Perhaps the lost king traded Calypso's love for safe return to his kingdom. Perhaps he is still with her, sheltered by their love from my good and cruel father."

The Cyclops said he fell in love with Princess Ariadne when he first looked upon her with his relentless eye. Spot agreed to help the Cyclops woo the princess. First they dressed the Cyclops in a sail that washed ashore. Next they combed the Cyclops's rope-like hair with a whale bone. After that, they were ready to coach the Cyclops on how to ignite desire for him in Ariadne.

"Hello darling," said Spot. "Tell me, have you always possessed the great beauty? Or did the great beauty see you one day, then kidnap you, bind you to disable your escape, take you away, and hold you for the ransom?"

"Tee hee." With a mop, Brian dressed the role of the princess. "I'll bet you say that to all the princesses trapped in towers. Tee hee..."

"Alright Monsieur le Cyclops," said Spot. "It is your turn to captivate the attention of the beautiful damsel."

"...you ...are ...beautiful," said the Cyclops. "I... kidnap... you..."

"—no no," said Spot.

"...take you hostage," said the Cyclops.

"—no no no," said Spot.

"So how old is this Princess Ariadne?" said Brian.

"Mademoiselle Princess?" said Spot. "My instincts tell me she is 16."

"16?" said Brian.

"Monsieur le Brian," said Spot. "I know what you are worried over. She is the older woman. But take my word, after the age of 5, the differences in age matter little in regard to the romance."

"Polyphemus," said Brian. "How old are you?"

"I will be seventeen thousand, two hundred sixty-four," said the Cyclops. "Next December 25th."

"Ah, the Christmas Baby," said Spot.

"Yes," said the Cyclops. "I feel a birthday in the holiday season gives others an excuse to cheat me on gifts, which I don't like very much."

"So you see Monsieur le Brian," said Spot. "Mademoiselle Princess has lived the full life of the independent woman."

"But—"

"Enough," said Spot. "The discussion? She is at the end."