Seventeen:

Spot, Brian, and Mimbleshaw arrived at the rendezvous.

"Your Majesty," said Mimbleshaw. "May I present Princess Vivian of Plastic Knifeland. Her team will escort us to Kansas City."

"Your Majesty," said Princess Vivian. "Please excuse our delay. As soon as we change our tire, we'll be on our way."

"—look out," someone shouted. The jack collapsed.

"Your Majesty," said Princess Vivian. "Two of our team members have been injured. Please help us."

"Its Majesty Spot's predecessor fled with the crown," said Mimbleshaw. "We must retrieve it for the new king."

"Your Majesty, please hear our tale," said Princess Vivian. "Your servants may be able to help us in our time of need."

"Servants?" said Brian.

"Your Majesty," said Princess Vivian. "My family — the Royal Family of Plastic Knifeland — and the Royal Family of Sporkland are descended from countries in Eastern Europe that no longer exist. But we remain heirs to fortunes gathered from the distribution of disposable utensils. Aggressive competition damaged my family's commercial enterprises. The only way to pay our debts was to arrange a marriage between our families and seal the sacred bond between plastic knives and sporks."

"Me servant?" said Brian.

"As specified in the treaty between our two families," said Princess Vivian, "I have been promised to Prince Danny, heir to the Sporkland fortune. I have no desire for marriage or rule, however. Fortunately, the Sporklanders were too proud to refuse my dare. I will keep my freedom for as long as once a year I and ten players remain undefeated in soccer against any team the Sporklanders can gather."

"Me human," said Brian. "Humans no serve dogs."

"How may we be of the assistance?" said Spot.

"However fine the Sporkland players are," said Princess Vivian. "Their captain, Princess Evangeline, is still no match for me and we can still beat them even absent two players. However, if we don't present a complete team, that passes the age and humanitarian restrictions, we won't qualify for the match."

"Ok, maybe you can say we have to serve dogs a little bit," said Brian. "But humans do not call their dogs master."

"Your Majesty," said Princess Vivian. "Will you loan us your escort and boy to sneak in as replacements?"

"So you want us to help you cheat?" said Mimbleshaw.

"Help us cheat to qualify, yes, of course," said Princess Vivian. "But Prince Danny will look for any technical reason to disqualify my team that has nothing to do with the fairness of the match. You and the boy can't replace my players for kicking and running. For the competition I don't consider your substitution dishonorable. You give our team no advantage. Our choices are either to sneak you in to replace our injured players, or to forfeit the match."

"Then we have the agreement," said Spot. "Your team may play the kick-game with Messieurs le Brian and Pimplebottom."

"—speak," said Brian. "Say 'master.'" Brian looked up from Spot. "I'm not his servant, and I've agreed to nothing."

"Do it and you can help yourself to a knighthood, Human," said Mimbleshaw.