Fourteen:

"Mr. Bannister," said Brian. "I need something to wear, quick."

"I'm sorry, Brian," said Mr. Bannister. "I have nothing for you to wear I would call 'quick.' I have no rapid clothing.

"No, no, I need something to wear right now," said Brian. "Do you have any clothes that will fit me?"

"No," said Mr. Bannister. "But I have a pair of swim shorts you can wear until you get home."

"Mr. Bannister," said Brian. "I'm real sorry about giving the coupon fairies your name. I had no idea they would steal your will with fairy food and swap your baby with their doofus imposter."

"Why, yes, Brian," said Mr. Bannister. "And you don't have to worry the coupon fairies will take you away either. I haven't technically volunteered your name. I would never consider sacrificing you like you sacrificed my baby. Like you sacrificed my family."

"I appreciate that, Mr. Bannister," said Brian. "I guess. So, where is Mrs. Bannister?"

"She went to an aerobics class," said Mr. Bannister. "Oh, she should be home any minute now. She'll be famished."

"—no, Mr. Bannister," said Brian. "I'll fix my life and be right back. Please don't feed Mrs. Bannister any fairy food."

"Hello? I'm home," said Mrs. Bannister. "I'm famished. I will eat all this food you left out."

"—no, Mrs. Bannister, don't eat anything," said Brian.

"Did anyone at class eat your brownies?" said Mr. Bannister.

"Why, no," said Mrs. Bannister. "They wouldn't stop their silly aerobics. Everyone made pathetic excuses about their diets."

"—no, Mrs. Bannister," said Brian. "I'll trade the talking dog back for my parents and be right back. Please don't feed anyone fairy food while I'm gone."

"Brian, of course we'll feed as many people as we can," said Mrs. Bannister. "That's what all of this food is for." Brian poured mustard onto all the food and drink.

"What did you go and do that for?" said Mr. Bannister.

"Mr. and Mrs. Bannister," said Brian. "Please don't enchant anyone else until I get back."

"What a shame all this fairy food is spoiled now," said Mrs. Bannister.

"Especially after those fairies laid so many eggs to bake them," said Mr. Bannister.