Four:

"Mr. Mudd," said the salesman. "Encyclopedia Tobacco Leaf has the advantage of both filling your bookshelves, and being the latest very cool thing among the kids these days."

"...mmm," said Brian's father, swollen in pain from the day's root canal. He quit smoking two hundred seventy-three days ago.

"You see, Mr. Mudd, Encyclopedia Tobacco Leaf are not cigarettes. But they make you feel just as good. Watch this." The salesman dropped a limp mouse onto an open encyclopedia volume. Awake, the mouse soon tore at its own fur, and pressed its face and exposed skin to the nicotine-rich tobacco paper.

"Think about it, Mr. Mudd," said the salesman. "This mouse is able to enjoy the delicious flavor of Encyclopedia Tobacco Leaf without a single drag."

"...mmm," said Brian's father.

"Ok, that's enough," said Brian. "You won't make any sales here and you should go now."

"What?" said the salesman. "Why? Don't you see I provide a valuable service? I can fill your bookshelves and make available to you a smoke-free nicotine high."

"We don't owe you an explanation why we won't buy from you," said Brian. "Also, your mouse seems to have stopped breathing."

"—Gail," said the salesman. "Breathe, Gail, gosh darn it. Breathe." Mrs. Mudd returned home in time to witness the man give mouth-to-mouse resuscitation.